Sunday, November 25, 2018

Six Communication Hints Your Fake Friend will Drop

It's getting that time when you will begin to reflect on life. Whilst thinking about your achievements of the year, and the goals you'd like to carry with you into the next, it's worth also auditing some of your friendships.

I never wanted to be that kind of content creator, however, this topic has been so pressed upon my heart and won't go away! I have been through one or two friendship breakups, so feel I can speak authoritatively on the subject of fake friends. Having said that, it's worth noting that there's a difference between peacefully drifting away from some people (which is a natural movement of life) and being in urgent need of departing from a toxic friendship. 

There was a time (a very long time ago!) I felt the desperate need to be accepted by the masses. Because of that, I allowed many people into my life - and not all were good for me! I ignored red flags and excused a lot of bad behaviour. I was afraid to speak up for myself and somehow felt helpless about leaving one-sided friendships.

However, an awakening began on the day a girlfriend I considered close sent me an abusive text over a misunderstanding at the train station (long story!)  I realised the way some people in my life had been treating me was entirely my fault.  After all, it was I who had allowed it to continue. I learned that challenging their negative behaviour, or removing myself from their friendship altogether could have saved me a lot of hurt.

This is exactly what this post is intended for. To save you from investing your precious time and emotions from fake friendships. Here are the communication hints your fake friends will drop, which you ought to be wary of. 

Did the conversation suddenly go dry after you shared good news?
So you've just landed that big promotion, or your long-term boo has just popped the question, and you've been dying to share the news with a good friend. You finally blurt it out to them, but then you notice that their response is lacklustre, or that your listener is keen to change subjects.  It could be that they are having a bad day, or didn't quite catch what you said, but my guess is that's unlikely. Besides, if this happens consistently then your 'friend' might be a bitter one. 

Do they hoard the conversational limelight?
Depending on current experiences or circumstances, it is normal for your conversations to sometimes focus on one person in the friendship. Perhaps there's a birthday party to organise or a few heartbroken tears to wipe away - of course discussions will be a little off balance. However, pay attention to when you are dealing with a narcissistic personality who feels the need to constantly show off, and take the spotlight off others. 

Are they too invested in the negative aspects of your life?
People who do not care to hear your good news are sometimes also a little too invested when you have bad news to share. You've just told them about a disappointment or failure, and now they have suddenly become animated - that should set off some alarm bells! Accompanying that is if they love to do nothing more than share gossip with you, speak ill of others and deliver news they know will upset you for the sheer joy of it. 

Do they make too many expensive jokes about you in the name of 'banter?'
I once had a 'friend' who joked a lot about what she thought of 'Ghanaian women'. At first, it seemed like a bit of harmless fun. But I soon noticed that the 'jokes' were becoming frequent and gaining momentum in their level of crassness. In one of the very few instances I told her that her 'banter' had gone too far, her response was to get annoyed with me. I'll leave it there. 

Are they dismissive of issues that bother you?
A good friend should care about the things that bother you, and should be courteous enough to not bring up issues you don't like. If they enjoy revelling in your past failures, or much like my 'friend' in the previous example, if they refuse to acknowledge a concern you have raised, then they may not value you like they should.

Are they always 'one up'?
The first time I heard the term 'oneupmanship' I almost fell out of my seat, but ladies I soon realised that it's a thing! If you have ever had a 'friend' who has always 'done it better or bigger' than you, or who did it way before you did, then that's a friend who is always one up. And that is never good!

There you have it! Six communication hints your fake friends will drop. But please be cautious, don't go recklessly shedding your friendships. Talking through issues, learning to forgive and giving the benefit of the doubt are all part and parcel of any good relationship. However learn to discern between someone having a bad day, and someone who just has a bad heart. 

Having said that, I would like to raise a proverbial glass to some of my long-standing friendships, some which have lasted over twenty years and still continue to thrive! I also wish you all the best in your friendships and urge you to cherish your 'real ones' out there. 

What are your thoughts on my list? Let me know. 



  1. Very nice post, It really difficult to get really true friends in these world which causes us to find it difficult accepting new people. thank you for the signs.

    1. Thank you for reading Elizabeth. Good friends are like rare gems. Keep your heart open but also keep your ears open! Wishing you the best!

  2. Your points are all valid my dear, It's sad what most friendships turn out to be these days. Especially the ones you think are real. Like you said, if you find a true friend, cherish that friendship a lot!


    1. Hi Jessica! Thanks for reading my points. Yes - true friendships are hard to find, but thank God for the genuine ones.

  3. Great points. I will definitely keep these in mind.

    Yvonne Wabai | Randomly Creative

  4. This was such a good post. Thank you for sharing it on Monday Blogs. These are definitely things I look out for, too, when figuring out if a friendship is healthy.


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