Thursday, April 20, 2017

Building a Successful Marriage is Like being a Good Diplomat

In a few days time, my husband and I will have crossed the threshold that will earn us the title of six months married. *INSERT PRAISE BREAK*

The journey so far has not been without its fair share of adventure. Like being aboard a roller coaster there have been moments of pure excitement, slow moments, times of fear, and also periods of exhilarating joy.

Being a typical south London gal, with roots deeply entrenched in a Ghanaian family, navigating through marriage with my born and bred Nigerian (straight out of Ekiti state) husband was always going to be an interesting albeit beautiful feat.

When two people from identical backgrounds make the decision to be one because of their love for each other, their clash of personalities,
personal goals and ideological beliefs can make the welding process tricky at times. The stark difference in culture of hubby and I, despite our love and our friendship, has at times been too obvious to ignore. When you throw a seven year age gap into the mix, you can quickly begin to see the care involved in handling our ‘relations’.

As we are about to hit a significant milestone, I can't help but reflect on how much we have increased in wisdom both jointly and as individuals. The communication, the compromises, the consideration for each other and the common vision we are building towards remind me of what I learned as a masters student of International Communication and Diplomacy.

If there is one thing I remember, it's that defining the term "diplomacy" in the context of international relations is not straight forward, simply because there are many ways to conduct diplomacy. But for the sake of simplicity let's define it as "the art of conducting negotiations, forming alliances, and reading agreements". These negotiations, alliances and agreements are performed by states, and they are done primarily for the economic progress and prosperity, peace, and ease of geographic mobility of the countries involved, their governments and their citizens. It's for this reason that you have alliances such as the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO), the Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS), and the European Union (EU).

If you take the individuals within a marriage to be like member states, one can easily deduce that building and progressing through the union is like conducting diplomacy. Firstly, the two parties, must be in agreement to make the marriage work; you must be in agreement of your beliefs, the fruits you would like your marriage to bear and the common goals you both want to work towards.

Secondly, the two of you must form an alliance. That is to say that you should make plans together, spend time together and stay united against outside forces (in whatever form they may come).

Thirdly, you must be willing to conduct negotiations: you just have to put the needs of the marriage before your own and consider your spouse in all your decision making. You should communicate and sort through your issues as amicably as possible (rather than dropping destructive bombs all over your marriage!), and you must make peace a priority in your home.

It goes without saying, that if diplomacy is done right, economic success, prosperity. peace, and upwards mobility (financial, spiritual, social and other forms) are the outcome!



  1. Oh, congratulations in advance on six months of marriage - how exciting! I'd imagine there's a lot of truth in your point about negotiating, and possibly compromising too. Have a lovely week!

    1. Hi Gabrielle. Thank you so much. Have a lovely week yourself!

  2. Congratulations once again on your union and happy six months. Cheers to more successful years to come. Thanks for the educations here. I'm not married, but I guess this sure goes for any relationship where love is in play. Great post always. Keep em coming, sis.

  3. You're so right. It takes more than love to have a successful marriage - both partners have to work on it, stay aligned on the same path and compromise. Congratulations on 6 months!

    Berry Dakara Blog

  4. I don’t know what has happened to the custom of delivering consistent good articles. I hope that the custom comes alive after this..thumbs up for your work

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